Sponge bath it is.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
