The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
