you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
