i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
