I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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