You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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