stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
