i think my mom watched the whole time
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
