If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
