apparently the secret to your success is patron
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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