so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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