What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
