She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We left the knife in your bed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
