i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
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