i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
