And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
