Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
