So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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