so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
