Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
