So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
