i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize