I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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