my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
