apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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