worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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