What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
