I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
