You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize