So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
