Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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