Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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