I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We left the knife in your bed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
