She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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