Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
