i was born a porn star she said
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
