Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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