He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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