By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
