winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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