Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize