After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
