Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
