if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
