Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize