Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
bring money and cleavage
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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