she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
