Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
