I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
