I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
only you would photoshop your dick
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
