Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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