no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
