did you get engaged???
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
