why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize