My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
