Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
