I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
