Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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