Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
