I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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