Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
