True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
