Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
