You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
