Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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