If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
