during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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