I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
